I was the Source
Inquiry started when I ran out of options.
No text anywhere would contain the information I was missing. No teacher on Earth was going to make me see. No practice was ever going to solve my problem of not awakening, of being stuck in this constant feeling that something was deeply wrong with me.
Gradually, a different attitude emerged: If this really is an open secret hiding in plain sight, then I should be able to find out if it’s true.
Instead of passively believing this would be given to me if only I could find the right source, I started to accept I needed to figure it out on my own. “I” was the Source.
But all I’d learned was the next obstacle. Because I already “knew” what I was supposed to find. I already “knew” there is only Awareness and no separate self.
So it all had to go. Only the questions and most basic pointers could stay. And honestly, I didn’t feel like sitting with them anymore either.
But, despite intense resistance, inquiry happened. I’d be going about my life having given up on ever seeing anything, and inquiry would pop up out of nowhere, and insight would just arise and slap me in the face, hard.
And eventually — without “me” ever doing anything — it was enough.
