Make it make sense

If I believe what I think I know about the world, then I am a psychological person inside a physical body, moving around a material universe, populated with an endless variety of separate people and things. This is consensus reality.

If I look at what actually is, while ignoring what I learned, then I can’t ever find a psychological me, only a series of thoughts about a me. I can’t find a body, only endlessly shifting sensations. And I can’t find an outer world — no truly separate people or things outside of what I am. All I find are more perceptions, sensations — and endless thoughts trying to define them.

What I believe I know about the world was so effectively programmed, that the idea of questioning it seemed absurd — a futile exercise bordering on insanity. But due to strong enough suffering with consensus reality, that hurdle was overcome.

However, the biggest hurdle was different: It was continuing to relate to reality through thoughts about it, and expecting the shift to be a new understanding, that would also make me feel better.

Clarity would arrive as: Got it, this is how it works, this makes sense, I feel better now, thank you.

But this clarity can’t be made sense of — it just is.
And the one who wants to feel better — is not.