The two options

There seemed to be two options (seemed because there’s no chooser):

1. Attention goes to thoughts and thinking.

2. Attention releases the focus on thinking and there’s just aware presence.

For a long time I believed I was supposed to avoid option 1 and “rest” in option 2 as much as possible. Eventually, there would be only this state of aware presence. I thought that was awakening.

But then it became clear* that both option 1 and 2 were happening with the belief that a separate “me” was doing them, was able to make them happen. And so there was a huge amount of frustration about the lack of lasting progress.

But there’s no one in control.
Thoughts appear or don’t.
Attention goes where it goes.

Now, there’s often aware presence without focus on thought.
And there’s also a lot of thinking.

The difference to “before” is that thinking isn’t considered negative and doesn’t feel like having “lost it.” It’s natural functioning of the body. Even if attention would go into thinking for days, no problem.

Because there’s no one doing it.

What is Aware doesn’t belong to a separate me.
It’s not a state, not an achievement.
It is all of THIS.

There is no me in THIS.

* Apparently due to finally doing some direct inquiry.

Photo by Mateusz Sobczak on Unsplash